A little while ago I went to see Alain de Botton launch his latest book, The Architecture of Happiness. Despite adoring his writing I have never seen any of his television shows so didn't really know what to expect. Actually that's a lie - I expected an articulate, charming, witty man and that's exactly what we got. I got my copy of the new book and my Shakespeare & Company bookshop copy of The Romantic Movement signed afterwards. I was totally overcome with shyness at meeting one of my favourite people. This is how I had pictured the encounter: There I am, lipstick carefully blended, hair shiny and with the cool, slightly bored expression of an authentic hipster. I approach A, lift my sunglasses onto my head and give a winning smile.
J: Lovely to meet you, Alain.
A: Likewise - ah?
J: Jen
A: Jen - what an enchanting name. Did you know my next book is going to be on the role names play in forming our identity, and the associations of particular names with certain characteristics and the impact that has on our daily lives? I'm actually doing a chapter on the great Jennifers in history - Aniston, Lopez, Grey.
J: Really? How interesting - engaging on an intellectual level while at the same time accessible to a mass readership.
A: Thanks!
J: It would lend itself quite nicely to television too.
A: That's what I thought!
J: A playful yet considered study of onomastics for the modern age.
A: Maybe you could write my press release?
J: Are you familiar with the Jimeoin "Demi Sex God from Hell" sketch? Interesting observation on nicknames.
A: Thanks for the tip. Here are your books... and my phone number.
Actual sequence of events:
There I am, lipstick a bit smudged by takeaway coffee cup, hair shiny but I suspect harbouring dandruff, sporting the excited, slightly hysterical expression of an authentic teeny bopper about to meet Guy Sebastian. I approach A, remove my spectacles which broke in half six weeks ago and which I now balance on my nose for special outings where I have to see further than three metres, and fumble for my books.
A: (Gives winning smile) Hello!
J: (Blushes madly, proffers 2 books) Hi.
A: (Takes copy of latest book and signs it. Takes the second copy) Ah, this is an old -
J: (Continues to blush and nods agreement) Yes.
A: (Finishes signing books, hands them back to me, continues to smile merrily)
J: Thanks so much (Takes books and runs away to hyperventilate into brown paper bag.)
And there it is. Christ, what would I do if I ever met Stephen Moffatt?!
2 comments:
oh jen you are CLASSIC! I giggled like a maniac all the way through that. I've got a similar thing planned in my head for when I meet Thom Yorke (there I am, wandering around in Oxford when I find a wallet discarded on the ground. I open it up and check the ID- who should it be? I then look up and see mr yorke ambling along in front of me looking surly, as he does. The wallet must have slipped out of his back pocket! oh no! Quickly, i chase after him, tap him on the shoulder and return his valuable posession in tact. He is extremely grateful and asks me back to his place for tea/delicious biscuits/vegetarian delights made by himself/stimulating conversation with the rest of the band. Later that evening I watch radiohead play an amazing set from the front row and marry all five of them and nigel godrich too, just for the hell of it), but something tells me it might not work out. Still...a girl can dream.
Call me already I miss you!
All of us have our destinies Jen and yours surely is to use the word onomastics in the presence of someone (mildly) famous!
I too have had my brushes with fame... I once served a familiar face in a shop. Asking if she was visiting for work or holiday, she said "Oh aktooallee I'm a moozeeshan."
I then recognised... the girl from Aqua.
How dare she impersonate a musician!
(To be fair, she and all the band were incredibly nice and it was embarrasing to hate their music so.)
Cheers!
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